


Rotten Flowers, Beautiful in It's Own Way

by Sailingfreely



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Blood and Gore, Dark, It's not so graphics I actually tampered it down, M/M, Murder, Psychological Horror, Supernatural Elements, Violence, psychos
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-30
Updated: 2019-01-31
Packaged: 2019-08-10 23:47:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16464623
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sailingfreely/pseuds/Sailingfreely
Summary: When two of the same values met in the faceless crowd,Unknown to them who's the one being twisted.Compilation of dark theme stories which connecting Jaehyun and Taeyong.1. You and Us (mind games, psychologically twisted).2. Our Funerals (regret, hatred and redemption).





	1. You and Us

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: if you're triggered with blood and mild gore, Or murder, please close this story and run away now. This is not for you.
> 
> For you psychos like me, enjoy the darkness.
> 
>  
> 
> A little surprise for Happy Halloween~

He took a seat very slowly despite his legs feels weak and breaths got caught in his throat. His palm growing wet and cold by the seeping sweat from it’s pore, making it slippery and uncomfortable yet he could careless about it. All he knows just that he’s there, at that present moment, eyes gazing intently to the sight in front of him. Waiting for something to take place.

 

_It’s already becoming a habit for him to have a taste of an espresso stinging to his tongue in the morning, made by his friend who owns a small pretty café. He loves to go there everyday, sitting by the window in the corner of the café, away from any prying eyes. He always goes there alone, not that he has no friend but he wants to savor the solitude, feeling the safety of being away from any painted mask throwing careless words to his face. They said people loves him, but is it really? When the concept of love is so broad like limitless sky and the uncharted depth of the ocean? Or are those nothing but fragmented lies created by society personas?_

_He loves to watch people, running about their life, hectic, chaotic, calm life crossing each other knitting a messy webs and loud madness. He likes to observe their facial expression, body language, spontaneous words and the ones created with certain purposes. Lies, he saw too many of it. Are we but a lifeless doll get mixed in a strong current called society?_

_They may say they love him. They may smile and laugh with him. They may share their stories with him. He may like his friends, ro an extent. Acceptance was something he’s trying so hard to learn, and he did eventually. But trust is something so foreign, something he couldn’t comprehend._

_It doesn’t matter if he’s alone._

_He’s willing to fight the current._

 

 

The door gaping open for the long darkness inside it, for a few minutes no one and nothing coming in, just hollow air surging into the room amplifying the ticking of the clock which adorning the white wall. Tick tock tick tock it echoes lowly yet louder than ragged breathe filling the vast room, causing a drop of sweat rolling down from the lone man’s forehead whom sitting straight on a chair in the middle of the said room.

Thoughts swarming in his head yet at the same time he’s not thinking at all. What’s the use of thinking? Hasn’t he done it a lot of time and wasn’t it exactly what brought him here in this present moment?

Is he thinking right?

Should he keep sitting there?

 

 

_“Hello,” a voice rings from beside him, tone painted with curiosity and uncertainty._

_He turned around without expression on his face to the source of the voice, it was a voice he doesn’t recognize after all, he didn’t need to smile to a stranger before knowing what they want, right?_

_“I’m sorry, uhm… The café is crowded, so… I was thinking if it’s alright if I sit at your table? You seem alone…” the man standing beside his table said with uneven voice, eyes darting around in nervousness and a small uncertain fake smile adorning his pale handsome face. But then the smile opens again in haste, “oh I didn’t mean to be impolite! I mean, uh… Are you waiting for a friend or… not?”_

_Taeyong eyeing the standing man for a second before finally motioning for him to take a seat with a tight lipped smile, something so fake that he hates yet couldn’t help but does it too. What a hypocrite._

_The man sighed in relief and sitting down with a big smile which Taeyong found a bit sweet as it seem genuine. “Phew, thank you so much I was wondering how should I start my day if I don’t find a seat. It’s kind of my ritual to drink coffee every morning.”_

_“I thought so, but do you realize you can do takeaway?”_

_A surprised expression instantly forming on the man’s face, it didn’t take long for it to relax again, “Well, I like to drink it while sitting too savor the moment, and I guess it absorb better too. Maybe you didn’t mean it but the way you said it sounds like… sarcasm.”_

_Taeyong was a bit impressed that the man didn’t hide the fact that he was offended and straightforwardly said it to his face. A smile was threatening to slip out from his lips, but doing so right at that moment could only serve his impression worse. He found it quite pleasant of how honest and genuine the man before him is._

_“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to sound rude,” Taeyong said with a warm smile then, “I’m also a regular here, the owner is my friend so I sort of having a personal seat reserved here.”_

_“Really? That must be nice! So envious…” the word of forgiveness wasn’t being said, but the smile that man gave to Taeyong is more than enough._

_“Maybe we can share it next time if the café get too crowded again like today, I’m okay with it. I’m Lee Taeyong, you?”_

_The man’s smile brighten even more as he hold out his hand for a handshake._

_“I’m Jung Jaehyun, nice meeting you.”_

 

A footstep echoing from within the darkness beyond the open door, two steps, three steps and more heard. A strange sound of some sort of metal being dragged along on the cold tiles following the thudding of footsteps. Getting closer, closer and even closer with every seconds growing intensely. He close his eyes, unsure whether he’s ready to see whatever it is that coming closer to the room.

Even though he might have expected it. Even though he might already knew what is going to happen. He closed his eyes nonetheless.

Exactly when the footsteps heard by the door, a shadow sneaking into the room which every surface painted in white, the color of purity, emptiness and a chance for a new start.

A new color.

 

_“Taeyong,” Jaehyun called with a low voice, a bit restrained as if afraid to voice out whatever it is that reside in his mind. “Do you remember how long have we been together?”_

_The said man turned his attention to the speaking man, face void of any expression, “why did you ask, Jaehyun?”_

_“It feels like we’ve been together for quite some time…”_

_“Yes, we are going to our two years in a few weeks.”_

_“Yes, yes exactly… Two years, I remember it very well…” he muttered with eyes gazing into the distant, fingers fiddling with anything it could reach showing much more than nervousness alone._

_“Why?”_

_He looked down, lips moving about wanting to speak yet uncertain to do so, “Taeyong, two years are not short isn’t it? It’s… Quite long for a relationship, right?”_

_“I suppose it is,” Taeyong answered cautiously, beginning to understand where this conversation is leading. He asked again, “why?”_

_“I’ve noticed Taeyong, you never really open up to me… You’re always hiding something.”_

_“I’m not hiding anything.”_

_“When you're so possessive of me, only then I could feel that you truly loves me. But is it? Or am I just a thing for you to own, to possess without sharing your heart with me? You are so distant… Like you’re here yet so far… It feels like I could never touch your heart, I don’t think I ever see the real you,” he said more like a silent protest._

_Taeyong didn’t answer, he couldn’t, he had no excuse. It’s true he never show his true self, at least not all of it to his lover. Almost all of his smiles and laughs are real, but still it tainted with a bit of lies. He just couldn’t bring himself letting it all go. He still couldn’t put his trust to humanity, he still couldn’t put his trust to his lover, no._

_Not when his past made him so. Not when he changed himself just to fit in. Not when his heart speak another language._

_Not when the real him was the one made him suffer._

_He need something more to give his trust yet again to another human being._

 

 

The step stopped only to be engulfed by a loud screech of metal being forcefully dragged, vibrating the whole room in the most dreading manner. Then the footsteps begin again, getting closer and closer very cautiously as the loud screeching continue to follow until it reached the center of the room.

A bit of choked breaths and a tiny whimper leaves the sitting man, eyes tightly shut not allowing even a tiny bit of light peeking in. He tried to even his breathing but to no avail. His body jerked a little when a loud thud heard and the screeching stop. Little gasps slipping out from his trembling lips, words stuck in his dry throat.

The footsteps heard again, walking closer to where the sitting man is. A radiating warm presence looming over him on his side, standing there ever so gentle and threatening. A fragile touch brushing away his hair, digging deeper until warmth seeping to his scalp.

“Why are you closing your eyes? It’s no use…” the presence spoke with a gentle voice, a voice he’s very familiar with.

“Say…” he continued, “do you noticed that your friends has been missing?”

 

 

_“Hey, have you seen Taeil?” a friend of him asked with confused face._

_“No, I saw him last night when he stayed over at my place but he left before me this morning… Why?”_

_“Well, I haven’t seen him all day and he didn’t go to any of his class today.”_

_“Maybe he’s skipping, is not the first time he done that,” he laughed._

_“I don’t know, maybe… But he never did that without saying anything to me or you… And I’ve tried to call him but he never answer. I had a bad feeling… And we still don’t know where the hell has Johnny and Doyoung gone too. Did Yuta say anything?” his friend asked, flustered._

_“No, he also had no idea where they are nor have he seen them since…”_

_“What the hell is happening?”_

_He lowers his gaze, looking at his own foot buried into the white snow, “I don’t know… Let’s hope it’s all only our overreacting worries…”_

 

_“Taeyong, I always find you alone recently,” Jaehyun smiled questioningly._

_“Unlike you who seem busy with your friends, I just didn’t have that many friends.”_

_“Sorry, did I make you lonely?” he wrapped the other guy with his strong arms in a tight embrace, sharing more than just warmth in the cold evening day, “is just that… There is something weird going on in my circle, so I'm kinda busy.”_

_“What happened?” Taeyong asked curiously._

_“Just… Nothing big, hopefully,” he shrugged._

_“I see…”_

_“What do you say we have a date today? We can’t let you be lonely for too long,” he’s grinning playfully, “let’s enjoy the day only the two of us, you don’t need anyone else other than me!”_

_Taeyong laughed at the words, lowering his gaze as to hide his emotions, “you wish, Jaehyun.”_

_The other man chuckled lightly, “yeah, I wish…”_

 

 

“You did noticed,” the standing man said followed by haunting chuckles, “how does it feel? Did you ever expect things to be like this? …Or did you actually wish for it to be like this?”

His voice was gentle, sweet and terrifying like a dark chocolate which taste bitter yet a hint of sweetness also present. He spoke in a very low voice like a smooth, sharp fingers scratching over a tender skin, ripping apart the tight air in the white vast room. The tone he used for a certain purpose, for the sitting man to listen, to see, to watch and understand what is it that he’s going to show.

The looming present beside the sitting man dissipating as echoes of footsteps heard again, this time going further away to the center of the room. Then it stop, again letting a heavy silence befalling whoever that are present in that room.

“Open your eyes darling, I want you to see,” he said almost like a command.

Strangely against all the storming emotions inside him, the sitting man slowly opening his eyes, willing for the light to filling in, taking in the sight that laid in front of him in a terrifying manner. There in the middle of room, only three meters away from where he was sitting, his lover stood behind a chair. A metal chair which carries a figure of a man.

He gasped, forcing his lungs to suck in air as his heart start beating faster to the point his neck and his whole face pulsating yet it felt as if his blood being drain out of his stiff body.

His fingertips tingling painfully and he felt some sort of invisible tendrils strangling his neck under his skin when the man sitting across him raising his head, revealing his face for all to see. Face marred with tears, anguish, anger and most of all… Fear. Dark brown orbs swimming in the unknown, pleading for any sort of help at all. Lips trembling, hiccupping cries of incoherent words which probably begging for his life to be spared.

The man who is sitting and expected to be watching gulping visibly, clueless of what to do. Eyes darting around inspecting the pitiful man across him, identifying him.

“Do you remember who he is?” his lover asked with a thin smile, seeming so innocent yet genuinely filled with darkness.

The sitting man looked up, staring right in the eyes of his lover, uncertain whether he should answer the question or not.

His lover repeated, “do you remember him?”

 

 

_“Why did you suddenly being so nice to me?” the tall slender guy with a warm smile asked._

_“You don’t like it?”_

_“No! Not at all, I mean… Well, we rarely talk and kind of… belonging to different groups, so it’s pretty strange of you to suddenly talking to me… Not that I mind, actually I’m kind of interested in you,” he explained with a bashful smile. "I also thought you hates me since... You know, I kinda took away your credits for the last project. I'm sorry... It was a huge project and I was so... I'm sorry I was desperate."_

_"Let's just forget the past, I'm not capable for hatred anyway," the shorter man shrugged before smiling to the man, “but, you are interested in me…? What kind of… Interest?”_

_“Not the bad kind! I mean, not the… Uh, well I already knew that you have a lover and I have no intention to ruin it, so, it’s not a bad kind of interest! Well, just, uh, yeah… I’m still pretty much interested in you,” he said stuttering a bit while scratching his neck agitatedly._

_The shorter man’s smile grows bigger, “Ravi, you’re so funny.”_

_“Yeah well, that wasn’t my intention, I just don’t want to scare you off,” he replied gaining back a bit of composure, “and your lover is quite a jealous person.”_

_The shorter guy fell silent, eyes gazing to nothing in particular, a darkness seeping in, “he is…”_

_“Are you not tired having to deal with his jealousy every time?”_

_He halted his step, raising his head as to stare back to the eyes of the taller man, indicating what he’s about to say._

_“No.”_

 

 

“What was it his name again?” his lover asked bringing him back from his twisted memories, “I think I'm used to hear you said it everyday now…”

The man who’s tied to a chair still whimpering in hopelessness, unable to move, unable to make any sound other than little cries. His body jerks up in fear when a hand patted his shoulder, it was gentle but he was too terrified to notice it. All that he know that he’s in a big trouble.

The tied man tried to stare at the man sitting across him, the lover of the person who’s standing behind him heinously, pleading for the man to help him with his eyes for his mouth was sealed. But the man in front of him didn’t do anything, he was just there sitting with nothing holding him down nor a cloth and tape over his mouth yet the man he called friend do nothing. Nothing other than staring back at him with unreadable expression, or maybe he was too out of it even to understand the meaning of the man’s expression.

“Ah!” the man standing behind the chair of the pitiful man exclaimed while clapping his hands as if he won a lottery, “Raph... Ravi wasn’t it?”

He laughed loudly, ringing so nightmarish in the said man’s ears, causing his whole body shivering at the ill thought of what would happen to him after the dark childish laughter comes to an end. The man he used to call as friend is still sitting there unbound to the chair, unmoving and staring into his. Is that fear he’s looking at right now? Or was it only a reflection of his own on those dark even orbs?

“Ravi…” the hand on his shoulder trailing up ghosting on his neck, cold palm pressing to the delicate part of his body. “Poor little Ravi… What have brought you into the dragon’s lair? Was it the chance of making it yours? You should have hop faster… Little rabbit like you shouldn’t play around nearing the lair, you brought this to yourself.”

The hand trailing up to his jaw, fingers tickling the taller man’s earlobes dreadfully slow. A whisper with a voice as sweet as honey said, “blame yourself little rabbit.” And a thin, cold feeling on his neck right under his earlobe, filling him with horror as his cries intensify and his body struggling like a madman for survival.

“Taeyong, open your eyes,” the voice rang from behind the struggling man almost like a seduction.

The eyes of the unbound man were open when a sudden hot, thick liquid drenching him like a summer rain. His sight was almost blackened when the white flesh being ripped to the cartilage, revealing a twitching windpipe screaming for help in silent as the vocal cord turn upwards. His heart beating in madness when the red liquid covering the front of his body, hot like a wet blanket and still he couldn’t close his eyes.

His sight getting more blur as the time keep ticking, the white morphing into beautiful red and the vast room filled with a different scent as the bursting noises heighten in his senses. He see his lover standing there, behind the lump of human body, fingers holding onto the hair of the dangling head, attached to the neck only by the bones. A smile painted on those handsome pale face, adorned with red. So beautiful, _so_ _evil_.

“Taeyong, I think I know you now,” Jaehyun said with a growing smile, eyes wide open glinting childishly, “I remember you distancing yourself from your friends, as if you knew that will spare them.”

Taeyong exhales deeply, his heart and mind overwhelmed with emotions, mixed with so many feelings waiting for the words to spill from his lover's angelic and pretty smile.

“Then you so suddenly became so close to this guy, so… close.”

A gasp escape from his lips at the final words, tainted with realization and… _Euphoria_.

His lover continued, “you planned this didn’t you?”

 

 

  
Who's the devil now?

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eeeeeeeeeh
> 
>  
> 
> Check out [my twitter](https://twitter.com/riri_sailing?s=09) if you want lovelies! 💞💓💖💕💗💓💖💕💞


	2. Our Funerals

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What is forgiveness, when Taeyong is already dead?
> 
> Because he's not quite so and Jaehyun have to seek redemption as Taeyong stays on earth asking justice for his murder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's blood again in this chapter, proceed carefully if you get triggered by it.

Silver running down from the dark sky, covering the uneven ground with it's glistening glory, bouncing off the silver lights of the moon to the droplets gathering in his eyelashes, dripping down and down to join the others beneath his feet. He brings up his hand to cover the moon with his red fingers, gliding on the atmosphere, leaving unseen marks only for the people present to see the splendor of it, beauty and madness tangling together in the most wicked way. His dark eyes moves, fall onto the other pair of wide eyes looking at him with fear, alert for the danger but most of all, the thrill of the first breath of his rebirth.

The man who's bathed in silver and red let his lips to curl into something akin to challenge and satisfaction, rage burning within, "why aren't you running?"

The other man, who remained sitting on the wet ground, drenched by the shower rain in the chilling night, took a sharp breath from the parasitic flowers blooming in his chest. Mouth sealed shut, soul screaming yet mind awakening, could only let his unwavering eyes to take in all the beautiful horror displayed for the dark, for him.

"This is what you made me," the man in red said, voice tainted with betrayal yet also something else he didn't recognize. The slim man run his bloodied hands over his white, crumpled shirt, blooming red even more vibrant on the glowing silvery white, then he sit down on the ground near the unmoving man, "this is what you made me, Jaehyun."

"You were dead..." finally the other man spoke, voice thin and strained, saturated with horror and disbelief, "I buried you... I buried you, Taeyong."

"You killed me," the man named Taeyong said, voice like a poisonous hiss, lean red fingers slithering over the wet, heavy jeans which covering the other man's long legs, burning sin and regret even deeper, "so slowly and painfully, you killed me."

A denied cry and scream clogging in Jaehyun's throat, he have no right, no right at all to show his emotions after he butchered the man who once he loved in the worst way possible, "how...?"

"My soul is tied to you," his fingers reaching up to the quivering throat, fingertips taunting death mirroring the hollowing darkness in his eyes, forgiveness was something forgotten, love buried together with his once dead body, "now I'm just a liability, the undead that you'll drag with you to hell."

Jaehyun chokes on his cries, from the burning fingers full of hatred coiling over his throat filled with rage to kill, "I don't- I don't know it was going to be like that."

"Is this what love is to you?" Taeyong hissed, pressing more force on the throat, for once having the other man's life in his hands and his betrayed soul only wanted retaliation, the same pain, the same fate, "that love you claimed for me, to kill me like this?"

"I don't know!" Jaehyun cried, coughing violently when he got strangled harder, tears burning trails on his already wet cheeks from the rain, "I don't know it will kill you, I just want you to stay, I just want you to stay, stay with me because you're leaving me."

"You made a pact with the devil!" Taeyong snarled, slamming Jaehyun's head to the ground, strangling the man more as tears spilling like the rain from the dark sky, bleeding like his soul, "to make me stay yet eating my body and soul like cancer until it killed me! How many years have you kept me in the dark? Does it brings you satisfaction to have me beside you even though it was killing me?"

"I don't know-" Jaehyun chokes, crying harder, soul tormented by his sin, "you were going to leave me, I need you to stay, to love me, to-"

Suddenly cold lips caught his in a maddening kiss, tasting of blood, of unforgiving rage, of murderous hatred. Jaehyun's scream got swallowed as Taeyong bit down on his tongue until it bleeds, growls leaving mark of ruined love, insanity at it's finest, "I was leaving you to come back. I left you, to tell you that I love you too when I'm ready. Does the truth hurts you now? Do you regret it? That your foolishness and impatience killing both of us? Do you feel satisfaction now, knowing I was in love with you but you ruined us by your own hands? That all I want now is to kill you like you killed me? _Does it?_ "

Jaehyun screams for the darkness to swallow it, soul butchered from regret, so much immense regret tearing his whole being apart to pieces with no means to mend back, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I didn't know, I didn't know."

The darkness looming above him is in the form of the man he loved, the dark eyes which once filled with warmness now only full of anger, betrayal and the wishes to burn him in the depths of hell. Just what have his love came to?

"I can't even kill you," Taeyong said, voice low and void of any emotions unlike the flame burning in his tears and reddening eyes, "if I kill you, it'll also kill me and bring me to hell with you. Fuck you, go to hell Jaehyun, but you're not bringing _me_."

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he could only chants repeatedly.

"I don't want your sorry. I want your repentance."

 

\--

 

What drove Jaehyun to do it? He didn't really know, all he knows was that he feels so strongly for this man whose name was Lee Taeyong, that person who was his best friend, his brother, his healer, his enabler and where _his love_ lies. Lee Taeyong, a name which brought suffering and tears to him as he speak it, think it and reminded of it. The downfall he did to himself.

The man's beauty was blinding, made of the finest flesh and lines, the gods most refined work. Once, it brought pride within Jaehyun's chest to have such masterpiece as his brother, that is until he yearns for those gorgeous eyes to see only him, and _him alone_. Lee Taeyong came into his life in a way that he became his brother as their parents remarried, but he never shy away, treated Jaehyun like the brother that he was. Taeyong's kindness felt like summer rain, bright, hot yet refreshing, fueling Jaehyun's affection to run even deeper and twisted.

But, no matter that they aren't related by blood, society sees them as brothers, where his yearning are frown upon, even more so between men. And it burns him to the point of no return, madness and obsession, nights spent with Jaehyun silently screaming to the sky of the unfairness of it all, speaking to the unseen beings and dark ears, taking in all his pleading to have the only love he couldn't have.

Taeyong always held his hand with the warmest smile, eyes curling in glee oblivious of how much it driven Jaehyun even madder because he couldn't have it in the way he wanted, because at the end of the day, his hand wouldn't be the one which Taeyong will hold. His smile belongs for someone else. Jaehyun knew, begrudgingly that Taeyong have someone else beside him, whom he pour his heart to, as Jaehyun too sees the signs of him leaving, bags zipped ready to haul.

And so, every night Jaehyun prayed, to anyone, to anything to make Taeyong stay, in whatever form, he didn't care. He should, he should have care. Because one night, he got replied in a dream like stupor in a form of a deep voice speaking to him, eerie yet carries a irresistible charm as it danced amongst the thick darkness, " _anything Jaehyun? Will you do anything?"_

 _"Anything._ "

He was aware that he made a pact with something unknown, something sinister, yet he didn't care because Taeyong _stayed_. He stayed and that's all what matters for him. Yet it was fleeting, a couple of years, but it tasted like no more than a minute to his obsession, a torturous minute that is. Taeyong stayed, but he fell sick, health deteriorating like withering flower, beauty disappearing into sunken eyes, ashy skin and spots of dried blood over his chapped lips. Every day, every night Taeyong screamed in pain, body rotting away and all Jaehyun could do is to stay beside him, witnessing his sin and wrong doings in the most excruciating way. A hell he chose for his greed, fulfilled in a way that was killing him inside, until he carried Taeyong cold, lifeless body to his chest, tears staining the pale face, mere skin over bones, light as a feather yet painfully heavy on his soul. The coffin felt even heavier to his arms, an insistence he thought could lessen his guilt as he lower it down to the gaping ground, tears staining the fresh soil as he let the flowers to escape his hands. A burden which will forever haunts him with no means to be forgiven.

And now, the man who once was Lee Taeyong, came back in his most glorious beauty, back to stare at him with his coal black eyes to reminds him of his sin, looking like the god of death and hell in the most wicked way for Jaehyun. He ruined it all, Taeyong, himself, _them_. Yet, his love never die, although tainted, insanity burning it, it's there.

And that's why he's here, in the middle of the night, it's raining again just like when the voice heard his prayers, when he adorned Taeyong's grave with flowers, when his love came back in the darkest form, when he's about to get killed by a being he never knew existed. Claws raging, teeth open wide to the chilling air, ready to tear flesh and bones, red yellowish eyes glaring to him with killing intent.

"Focus!" Jaehyun heard a shout behind him, turning around to see Taeyong's chest got clawed deep into his heart, chunk of flesh ripped away and scream painting the sky darker.

"Taeyong!" he runs, runs as fast as he could, getting to Taeyong as he swing his long, antique sword to stab through the being which covered in fur and blood as their claws still buried deep in Taeyong's chest, finally killing them. "Taeyong! Are you okay?!"

"Fuck you, don't go thinking about useless shit when we're fighting a werewolf, could you?" Taeyong snarled, yanking the clawed hand out of his flesh as he drop down to his knees and puking blood out his mouth, hands pressing at the torn flesh, "fuck, can never get used to the pain, I guess."

"You got half your body torn! Of course it's painful!" Jaehyun hissed, racking out his bag to pull out a bandage, pressing it on Taeyong's bleeding wounds.

"What you did to me is still much more painful than this," he said, nonchalant despite how deep the knife of pain stabbing into Jaehyun's soul. He shoved away the taller man's hand harshly, "don't waste the resources on me, I can't be anymore dead than I already am, thanks to you."

Jaehyun couldn't stop the tears from spilling out, lips trembling from the denied cry since he have no right, because he did this. Taeyong is standing up with a grunt, uncaring of the gush of blood splattering to the ground as he did so, taking the sword from Jaehyun's hand and wipe the blood off on the jacket on Jaehyun's shoulder, "get up, we still have more job to do. Don't you fucking cry."

"Why are you doing this?" Jaehyun whispered with underlying sob, head spinning from the piercing smell of blood flaring in his nose, "you can torture me, but there's no need for you to hurt yourself like this."

"Don't talk like you don't want me hurt," Taeyong hissed full of accusation, "don't you fucking dare talking like you care about me, all you care about is yourself, so fucking shut your mouth."

He cries harder, unbidden and curling up on the ground uncaring of how filthy and wet it is, then his collar got yanked by no other than Taeyong himself, "stop wailing like a child! I'm fed up with you, no amount of your tears can change my mind, so stop doing that, this is your own fault. If you want to cry, do it where I can't see you bastard."

Taeyong shoved him hard, causing Jaehyun's head to hit the ground, staying there to hold in his cry, body shaking with all the anguish within. "You can hate me all you want, you can think of me however you want... But please, please don't do this, I will do it myself, please..."

He look down to Jaehyun with distaste, hand letting go of his healing wounds, "look at you, pathetic shit. Let you do it yourself? And let you get killed? Go fuck yourself Jaehyun, die and go to hell when I buy my way somewhere else that's not there, I couldn't care less, but not now when I haven't."

Jaehyun couldn't answer that, taking all the humiliation, shame and pain, "is there no way to mend us...?"

"Still full of greed don't you?" Taeyong scorned, letting his back to be the only thing Jaehyun could see as he stand tall, but he didn't walk away, he didn't leave.

So Jaehyun, still so lost, so trapped within his own obsession, said, "is there no love left...?"

"Don't you talk about love!" Taeyong screamed to Jaehyun's face, stabbing the sword to the ground slashing open the skin on the man's cheek, "don't you fucking talk about it when all I want is to kill you, right _here_ and _now!_ The mere sight of your face sickens me!"

Finally, he leave, letting Jaehyun on wet the ground with his tears alone without caring.

 

\--

 

Jaehyun left his home, his family, his friends and the life he knows of without a word to follow Taeyong on his journey killing all these creatures, something to buy his way to heaven or some sort that he believed in. Jaehyun walks it with so much fear and anxiety, having no money on him, sleeping on the side road, under the bridge or blanket of cardboards in subway station aside from facing those dangerous creatures which ready to kill him in the most unmerciful ways. What torture him most was Taeyong wasn't always with him, gone to wherever he was at times, leaving Jaehyun to drown in his turmoils alone until he come again for another being to kill.

It seems there's really nothing like love left in Taeyong for Jaehyun, not even a little mercy because he's torturing him in the most possible ways. Knowing where it hurts the most since Jaehyun is still so foolishly in love with him, along with the burden of his sin. This man is no longer the person who Jaehyun fell in love with, that person who was always so kind, so forgiving and full of compassion, this Taeyong is the monster Jaehyun created himself. And he couldn't believe that he could destroyed Taeyong like that, to that point, to this road of pain and darkness which no light could reach them. Yet why, Jaehyun still can't stop loving him?

Slowly over the years, pain and maturity taking place on Jaehyun's physical features all the while Taeyong stays looking young and not aging, they learnt to live their life on the move, never staying at one place, stolen identities and quick cash to survive. Gradually Taeyong stay quiet more often than hurting Jaehyun with his words, having less drive to torment him, growing numb just like his dead heart and flesh. Jaehyun stay on the edge, being obedient and say nothing when he wasn't asked or talked to, being a mere marionette for Taeyong, hands and legs to twist and break.

He didn't dare to hope, didn't dare to even think that Taeyong will forgive him, not when the man didn't even bat an eyelash when Jaehyun got hurt, or when his ear got torn away, or when his fingers got bitten off. He didn't even tend to his wounds, Taeyong left Jaehyun to do it himself, crying by himself as he stop his bleeding and dress it with a bandage. Taeyong didn't even turn around when Jaehyun struggled to walk with his broken left leg, _he never did_. Taeyong really is dismantling everything of Jaehyun to bits, to ruins like he himself did to Taeyong, killing him slowly and painfully.

One night, when the wind is too strong and the rain is too harsh, Taeyong didn't disappear into the darkness like he always did, instead he stayed with Jaehyun in a cheap, dirty motel room, sitting on the windowsill, ignoring him like he's never exist to gaze at the wreckage outside the illusion of safety in the rectangle confinement. Jaehyun chose to sleep although pretending, having no force within himself to let slumber claim him when the man he destroyed stays in the same room as him, memory of his murder excruciatingly reminding him of his dreadful act.

Perhaps Taeyong wasn't aware that Jaehyun wasn't sleeping, because when the night is rolling darker, noises ceasing and no souls awake, Jaehyun heard a soft cry. He didn't dare to move, staying as still as he could, listening closely to the cry, growing harder and more painful as minutes passes, wrenching his heart to the point that he too, silently crying to his pillow. _What have he done?_ So broken they was, with no pieces left to mend, no cry can heal, no pain can forgive.

He didn't sleep, the sun comes and no burden lifted, the tears are only weighed him down even more than ever. Is this all their love could be? Destroyed?

 

\--

 

It's necessary for Jaehyun to noticed how quiet Taeyong becomes, he rarely talk and doing less killing. And most importantly, he didn't avoid Jaehyun at all times like he so persistently did at the beginning, he felt it so strongly when Taeyong is sitting beside him under the makeshift wind barrier to secure them in the forest at night. Probably because it's winter, it's cold, although he remembers Taeyong had said that he no longer have termal sense. He didn't even have any warmth left in his beautiful yet dead body, there was no need to sit beside Jaehyun. So why?

Jaehyun didn't ask, proceeding to pretend to be sleeping, not daring to wake the sleeping lion, what's more when he could have the man this close to him, because after all that happened, he's still yearning for him. There's no one else who could captived him like Taeyong did, no one else despite all the pain and darkness, his world is revolving only around Taeyong.

Like the night few months ago, Jaehyun heard him crying again, so much pain, so much sorrow and he couldn't bare to only listening to it. So he slid closer, letting his shoulder touched Taeyong's shaking one, causing a jolt yet no words was said. Being daring, Jaehyun carefully rounding his arm over Taeyong's shoulder, just like what he always did when they tried to comfort in so many years ago when everything was still fine and beautiful between them.

Taeyong turned his face to him, for the first time after years, finally he's looking into Jaehyun's eyes without the raging hatred tainting his beauty. It was just a gaze, of pain, of regret, of brimming turmoils within it, so vulnerable, so fleeting. They didn't know who leaned in first, but their lips met and one thing leads to another until they got tangled over the laid blanket and moans filling the eerie, empty forest. It was raw, primal needs, no hint of love was there as their skin glides together, it was pushing the knives deeper into their broken cores as they embrace each other. They feel nothing because they're not allowed to feel anything, just like when the morning comes, nobody said anything about it, as if it never happened. Nothing at all.

Simple, it was biology, is what they told themselves. But obviously, something about their connection of guilt and hatred is shifting after that. Taeyong never turn around no matter what happen to Jaehyun, but after that one fleeting cold and painful night, Taeyong did turn around. But he never say anything, not hatred, nor forgiveness, Taeyong only look back to him with a blank and emptiness in his eyes, like a deep well which no sunlight could penetrate. Until one day, Jaehyun was too caught up in his erratic thoughts of trying to decipher Taeyong that he couldn't focus on their battle with another dark being from hell and his arm got torn away from the socket of his bones.

Scream was the only thing which spilling out his gaping wide mouth, pain dominating in the worst imaginable way and he fell to the ground with a cry streaming down his face as harsh as the blood bursting out of his tattered body. Taeyong didn't come to him right away, didn't pay him any mind as he keep fighting the creature and pouring his anger for Jaehyun to kill them instead. Then finally, he sit down beside Jaehyun's exhausted and laying body on the ground, wet from his own blood. There's no grimace, no worry, nothing at all on Taeyong's face, but he sit there, looking to Jaehyun and pressing his hands over the wound to stop the bleeding.

"Pointless," he whispered.

Amidst all the pain, all the torment, Jaehyun's only thoughts was, ' _what is pointless? Saving me? Buying his way to heaven? Or them?'_

"Sleep," Taeyong said, pressing his bloodied hand over Jaehyun's eyes and just like the marionette that he is, he fell asleep, letting go of his consciousness and even after all the torture Taeyong gifted to him, in the end Jaehyun will still love and trust him. His soul is for Taeyong to take.

For once, the darkness feels merciful.

 

\--

 

Now, Taeyong always turn around, to look at him, to see if he's keeping up with him. At nights, he stays, undressing Jaehyun's bandage and replace it with the fresh one, fixing his living body as it could rot unlike his and somehow, Taeyong do his best not to let it happen. He waste no word for Jaehyun, uncaring of how will the human take his acts. _Is this forgiveness? Or does he simply grew tired to see how useless Jaehyun is?_ Jaehyun too, somehow, didn't care about it, having already accepted his fate of unforgivable road, as long as Taeyong is there, with him. Does his greed really knows no bound?

Yet, he found himself unable to sleep as his mind keep replaying the images of Taeyong's eyes looking to him. Which is better, to have him looking at Jaehyun with immense hatred and rage, or the way he's looking at him now, hollow and sorrowful? Both are haunting, terrorizing Jaehyun's remnants of sanity in his sleeping and waking hours. No matter how, no matter in what forms, they're both killing each other in every ticking of the time.

How many creatures of the dark have they killed? Many, lots of them that Jaehyun had lost count of it, just like how he no longer try to count the scars which littering all over his body. Even with only one arm intact, Jaehyun learnt to survive, strange as it may but he grow more agile than when he got both arms. Human adaptation is superb, just like how their hearts growing numb from all the pain and nothing could leave any more marks of hurt and torment.

Perhaps, their names are spreading, more often than not these creatures ran at the simple sight of them, knowing them as the demon hunters. Perhaps, that was also why one of them speak to Taeyong as the man is looming over the vampire, ready to stab his antique sword down right into his heart.

"It's no use! No matter how many numbers of us you're trying to kill, the gate of heaven won't ever open up to you!"

That caused Taeyong's sword to hang in the air, dark eyes glinting dangerously asking for explanation. The vampire continues, "you will never buy your ticket to heaven, undead. I know He only used that human to get you, your soul was the brightest of all, His dark hands couldn't reach you, that's why he used that human to mould you as dark." He lifted his shaking hand to point at Jaehyun, "he's the cause of your condemnation, but he's also your only way to be freed."

Taeyong, the once so forgiving man, didn't care to hear the rest, letting gravity to pull at his sword and cutting in the flesh and muscles of the vampire, cutting off his breath and string of fate unmercifully. He unsheathed his sword from the mutilated vampire as he's standing up, letting it fall with loud clanking to the ground just like the flowers of grief which once escaped Jaehyun's hand to fall on Taeyong's grave. _This is a funeral_ , Jaehyun finally realized, _everytime he kills, he's holding his own funeral_. How many times have he killed and mourned for himself then?

"I'm done," he whispered, back facing Jaehyun yet it's still so palpable of how pained and tortured his soul is. "I had enough."

Jaehyun's heart stutters to stop as Taeyong is turning around to look at him, eyes hollow but there's a small, tired smile on his lips, "I know it's useless. I did it all to kill you, replacing their faces with yours so over and over again, I killed you."

It's not only Taeyong's funeral, _it's theirs_ , they are burying themselves. Jaehyun didn't say anything, didn't move and only staring back into Taeyong with his equally hurting soul. It's not forgiveness, it's not redemption, but still Taeyong said, "I let you go, Jaehyun."

The chains are broken, Jaehyun is freed, yet why does it feel heavier than before? It should have been enough, enough to seek and for him to repent by his own. Because Jaehyun doesn't want to let go, because he still want Taeyong to stay, to be beside him. Oh his greed really was endless, just how much more wicked could his love run?

And as Taeyong took his first step to leave Jaehyun forever, he stops him, "I love you."

He stood there unmoving, no longer turning around, denying Jaehyun to see his beauty, his pain and sorrow. And he spoke in his softest whisper, "we are in love with our ghosts, Jaehyun. The remnants of the past, of what's left of me and what's left of yours. There's nothing but the shadows of it, we should let it go."

There's more that Jaehyun has to say, but Taeyong didn't bother to listen, to care, as he walks away leaving Jaehyun alone to be tormented by his sin and never achieved redemption. That was the last of Taeyong that Jaehyun saw, even after years later, their strings of fate is broken, separated into different worlds and the things left behind.

Closing the book of pain was the only thing they could do, but Jaehyun didn't. He never did.

 

\--

 

The first wrinkle of many to comes starting to take form on Jaehyun's face, well aged, maturity beyond his age seeping in from all the endless pain from the past. Time passes by so fast yet also so painfully long since he's never being freed by the haunting regrets, guilt and shame. He exists as he doesn't, names comes and goes, until he found the place where he wanted to spend the rest of his life at. He never stop seeking, never stop searching even though Taeyong had freed him, because their connection may be severed, but not for his soul, Taeyong is still and will always be his love.

Maybe it's no more of the love which he had long before, when it was a yearning, an affection, an obsession. This time, it's a love that is broken, tainted and lasting from his unending redemption. He found his last stop to rest, because there was where he found Taeyong, alive yet not quite, still looking as young as ever, not a day older even though he should have been older than Jaehyun. Still so eternally beautiful, so damned ethereal by Jaehyun's own wrong doings and murder. That was why he sit down on the chair across Taeyong's table, smiling to him despite he still believes he have no right to barge into Taeyong's life anymore.

"You," he said, wide eyes full of surprise as Jaehyun remained sitting there without speaking at all. Because he promised himself to never say a word when he wasn't asked or spoken to.

"My lifetime of repentance will never be able to undo my sin," he said eventually, because they no longer have anything else which is connecting them together except that one thing.

Taeyong is settling down, surprise fading and he's staring into Jaehyun's eyes in a way that's quite different than he ever did, "and so, you offered to redeem forever?"

"My life never again mine the second I killed you, now I'm only yours to break however you want just as you so deserving, just like what I wanted you to."

"And I don't want that," Taeyong said, surprising Jaehyun this time, he look down, exhausted and so done, "the more I hate you, the more I got futher away from peaceful death. Forgiving you was the only way for me to escape eternal cursed life and hell. But that's something I couldn't do, even now, it's hard to see you without wanting to torment you, but that's the last thing that I need."

Jaehyun doesn't speak for a moment, taking in all the pain, the blame and suffering which bleeding out horrendously from the man in front of him. Until he finally said, "then let's us attend our funeral."

Taeyong look up, eyes slightly wide, questions swirling ever present in his beautiful, dark eyes. Jaehyun dared himself to take Taeyong's hand, holding it so preciously, treasuring the chance he could have, "this is not my place to say, but could we kill our ghosts and start a new life?"

He didn't respond, but the way he didn't take his hand away from Jaehyun's hold is enough of an answer, all he could say was, "killing our ghosts will be hard."

For the first time after so many years of regrets, guilt and torment, Jaehyun could smile, still full of pain, full of sorrow, yet it's the start of something new.

 

"There's always time."

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BOOHOO.

**Author's Note:**

> Check out [my twitter](https://twitter.com/riri_sailing?s=09) if you want lovelies! 💞💓💖💕💗💓💖💕💞


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